Untreated ADHD in Adult Relationships
It's difficult to be in long-term relationships or marriage with someone who has ADHD. Especially when the non-ADHD partner is constantly checking in and be micromanaging to make sure their spouse stays on top of tasks.
If this pattern is repeated, it is easy for resentment from both sides to increase. Understanding how untreated ADHD affects relationships is crucial to changing this destructive dynamics.
Over-helping
ADHD symptoms like confusion and forgetfulness can create significant challenges for a couple. It can be challenging to manage these issues and cause tension. Non-ADHD partners often assume the majority of household duties or attempt to help their ADHD partner with their daily tasks. But these strategies could backfire.
In the long run, they could lead to resentment and even break up the relationship. Instead of nagging the person with ADHD it is essential to discuss and devise strategies to help them manage their responsibilities. Treatment can also improve the efficiency of organizing tools and strategies.
For instance, sticking sticky notes on the mirror with chores for the day or reminders on a smartphone can be helpful in keeping on top of the tasks. Similarly, labeling cabinets and drawers can help you find what's needed. Getting organized can help decrease stress and frustration. It can also help keep everyone on track.
Another common problem is a mismatch between sexual or intimacy expectations and the reality. ADHD can impact an individual's ability to engage in compulsive sexual sex, and it can affect their level of intimacy and satisfaction with the relationship overall.
In addition, some people with ADHD are not able to maintain a high level of sexual drive and might find sex boring or unsatisfying, while others may become bored or distracted during sexual activities. Couples therapy that focuses on communication and skill development can help with these issues.
When couples with untreated ADHD go to counseling, they're often in a bind. They have tried every option they can think of to resolve their problems, but they are feeling hopeless. Many couples can overcome their problems with the right guidance.
By addressing their challenges with ADHD couples can resume their roles as adults and develop an enduring and loving relationship. The first step is to seek evaluation and treatment. Recognizing ADHD can give couples new hope for their relationship, and research shows that 70% of people suffering from ADHD are able to benefit from treatment that can bring significant improvement in symptoms (1). Using medication, psychotherapy and skills training as well as family or couples therapy couples can learn to deal with their ADHD symptoms and live an enjoyable and happy life together.
Learned helplessness
People suffering from ADHD tend to feel overwhelmed by the many things they aren't able to control. Those feelings can lead to learned helplessness which is a term coined from a series of psychological studies that Martin Seligman did in the 1960s. He exposed dogs to electric shocks, and found that they stopped trying escape when they realized their suffering was beyond their control. This made them believe that they were in no position to change their circumstances and that it would be impossible to change it.
It is difficult to overcome the feeling of hopelessness and learnt helplessness. It's important to distinguish the difference between the two: hopelessness is the feeling that there is no one who can help you, while learned helplessness is the belief that no matter the effort you make, nothing will help. Those who struggle with both struggle to move forward.
You can reverse the negative effects of learning helplessness If you or someone you love is struggling with it. You can begin by changing the way you view life and the challenges it brings. Instead of thinking that your issues are impossible to overcome, focus on the small steps that can help improve your situation. You can also consider therapy to develop a hopeful perspective. A licensed psychotherapist will help you learn ways to break the pattern of learned powerlessness.
When you're in a relationship with an adult who suffers from ADHD it's important to keep in mind that your partner's opinions and preferences are as valid as your own. You should consider talking with your ADHD partner when you feel that they are taking on too much or are nagging you to finish tasks. It may be due to a misunderstanding about what their role in the relationship should be. A clear discussion of the roles can ease tension and prevent conflict.
While nagging is effective in the short term however it's not lasting over the long run. A licensed psychotherapist can help you determine the root cause of your feelings and find solutions that be effective over time.
Distractions
Untreated ADHD can cause someone to become easily distracted. They may miss conversations with family members and may forget appointments or errands. These lapses aren't intentional, but they can cause frustration for both parties. Forgetting important things can also result in issues at work, such as people may not meet deadlines or forget to fill out a prescription. This can result in higher levels of cortisol. This can exacerbate health issues such as obesity or heart disease.
If people suffering from ADHD struggle to control their emotions, they could get angry with their partner or become withdrawn. These impulsive reactions can harm a relationship. They can also trigger anxiety and frustration which can make it difficult to focus on tasks.
It is important to have a clear and concise discussion about the roles in the relationship. It is also beneficial to discuss how ADHD symptoms can affect a person's performance and how you can help them with their responsibilities. But, you shouldn't berate or scold the person who has ADHD. This can cause a negative parent-child dynamic in the relationship and cause the person to feel shamed.
Adults suffering from untreated ADHD often engage in unhealthy lifestyle habits. how to get treated for adhd in adults might eat poorly and skip exercise, or get too little sleep. These habits can contribute to their ADHD symptoms and can cause health problems. These habits can also increase the likelihood of accidents, such as car accidents or falls. People with untreated ADHD are more likely to lose track of their medication and miss doses, which can have serious consequences for their health.
Some medications used to treat ADHD may lower a person’s sexual desire, which can cause a breakup within relationships. People suffering from ADHD are also susceptible to make impulsive decisions, which can be dangerous. For example, they might gamble or make poor financial investments.
The best method to prevent these problems is to seek out professional advice from an expert. A qualified therapist will know both your ADHD symptoms and their impact on the relationship. The therapist will also suggest specific strategies to manage your symptoms in relationships and help you reach your full potential.
Conflict
It may take some time for couples to come to terms with the chaos created by ADHD. In the time, the couple might be battling a variety of conflicting emotions, including frustration and anger. These intense emotions can be difficult to manage and could cause bitterness or resentment. If the issue isn't resolved, the relationship can be ruined.
The issue of over-helping is common in relationships in which the partner without ADHD is unable to handle too many responsibilities. They may be upset that their ADHD partner isn't able follow through with simple tasks and responsibilities, and then take on too much to compensate. This can create a cycle which can be extremely detrimental to the relationship.
The non-ADHD spouse will eventually feel like they're carrying the entire responsibility of the household and their work. They become exhausted and resentful. The ADHD partner on the other hand, becomes increasingly frustrated as they are unable to complete their own tasks and feel that their partner does not value them. This could be a risky situation for both partners as they may begin to doubt their relationship if the issue is not addressed.
These kinds of situations are usually the result of issues that were not addressed over a long period of time. A counselor can be a great help in helping couples to deal with these issues. The counselor can help both partners to understand the impact of ADHD and develop healthy coping strategies. They can also show them how to communicate more effectively and stay clear of "parenting" their spouses.
If your spouse or loved one suffers from ADHD, make sure they receive treatment if they haven't already. This will enhance their quality of life, and it will help stop their symptoms from harming the relationship. If they aren't willing to seek treatment, you should still consider seeking counselling on your own. A therapist can help you identify the issues your spouse is suffering from and teach you how to cope with it in a healthy way. They can also help you find ways to restore the balance of power in your relationship.